Uncomfortable Turned Grateful

One week ago on my lunch break, I shared Kerfully Content on Facebook and Twitter. I was all set and excited the night before but not so much the next morning. Discouragement came and in waves. Let’s make that a tropical storm, verging on a tsunami.

I thought, ‘Who wants to read about my life?’, ‘What if I run out of things to post?’ and ‘How do I make sure that it accurately represents who I am?’. I didn’t feel holy, healthy or knowledgeable enough to write about faith and nutrition. I thought that I was creating a responsibility to post routinely and an expectation to make it entertaining.

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You know Bruce from Matilda? I was Bruce with a massive piece of chocolate cake in front of my face. This was something I loved but everyone was watching me and if I failed, everyone would see me collapse. I was completely intimidated and feeling defeated under the weight of Mrs. Trunchbull standing over me.

Well, that morning I was doing a couple loads of laundry. I got up to the laundry room and the dryers still had five minutes remaining so I got on Tumblr. These screenshotted images were the first things on my dashboard.

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These messages reassured me that I would not walk away from this opportunity. They made me smile as I was pairing my socks and folding my towels because it was exactly what I needed to hear.

I’ve always been introverted so placing myself in a vulnerable position to share parts of my life that I usually keep to myself was so nerve-wracking but totally necessary. I had to remind myself that trying to please others is not only useless but specifically what I was trying to avoid. I have been witnessing myself become stronger in my values and I did not want to succumb to masking my integrity.

I’m quite the pro at putting myself in uncomfortable situations. I’m one to go to events or on trips where I don’t know a single soul or at least not very well. Every situation that I have gone outside of my comfort zone has been amazingly beneficial for my personal growth. Additionally, I have made relationships that I know will last a lifetime. I knew this jump would not be an exception even if it required more courage than talking to unfamiliar faces for a few hours.

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That voice in the crowd cheered, “YOU CAN DO IT BRUCEY” and soon enough, the entire crowd was rooting for me! I got texts from friends I haven’t talked to in ages all day long. My roommates and friends on campus told me their favorite posts that I have written. My mom shared it on her Facebook and her friends that I don’t know were commenting with the sweetest compliments.

I was blown away by the generosity and so thankful that I have incredible people in my life who support me through everything! The fact that people were compelled to share their reactions with me made my days (yes days, my days are still being made thinking about it). Thank you so very much to everyone who has taken the time to read even a sentence!

I know that this blog is still a tiny tot but I still feel a snippet of despair whenever I press the publish button. ‘What if people are telling me they like it but they are just trying to be nice?’, ‘Am I wasting my time when I could be doing more productive things?’, ‘Is my expression through words counteracting my purpose to be humble?’ These worries are not too overbearing but I will recall why I created this blog, write through it and keep being true to myself!

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